vern's Xanga

Shame

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 04:42:35 GMT

"Don't you remember on earth - there were things too hot to touch with your finger but you could drink them all right? Shame is like that. If you will accept it - if you will drink the cup to the bottom - you will find it very nourishing: but try to do anything else with it and it scalds."

- The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

Psalm 15-16

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:34:44 GMT

Will I be shaken in a mind full worries and a world full of 'enemies'? In Psalm 15, David, knowing him from his heartfelt prayers to God, says

"He whose walk is blameless" (v.2)..."He who does these things [ref: v.2-4],
"will never be shaken." (Psa 15:5)

He whose walk is blameless is the one who may dwell in your sanctuary (v.1), the holiest of the holies in a temple of worship, i.e. closest to God. Can David enter into God's sanctuary? Is he someone that is blameless and not be shaken? Psalm 15 doesn't say. Can I? After reading v.2-4, I know I cannot. Then, in Psalm 16,

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken." (Psa 16:8)

It is the Lord by our side that I will never be shaken! And our Lord is like this (v.5-7): LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.

"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure...you will not abandon me to the grave,...
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psa 16:9,11)

Lung cancer

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:29:54 GMT

Received news that a friend from our University fellowship is diagnosed with lung cancer. The news first came from my husband as he read his emails. I had not much response then to the news but was more so listening in silence and intently to my husband's reaction. He was shocked and his heart was unsettling. I felt his tears in my own eyes.

This morning I just read the news myself and the blog that he and also his friends are writing to update on this condition and in support of him. I'm touched as I read the comments of all those you left him a message. I recall the story where a paralyzed man was brought to Jesus on a mat by his four friends. The friends went to great efforts to do this as it was crowded and they could not get through from the entrance so the friends went to the roof and leveled the man down. The faith of those four friends healed the paralyzed man.

Lord, Edward takes refuge in you. To those you have set apart, by your great mercy, your favor surrounds him as with a shield. You healed a paralyzed man because of the faith of his friends. Wouldn't you more so heal one of your own and by the faith of his friends? Lord, heal Edward!... Who's brave enough to lift this prayer to you? By your words... we have faith.... by being one in Spirit, we have faith...

Lastly, I would like to quote one of the blog his friends wrote on visiting:

Edward前面要走的並不是一條容易的路，但願我們擺上的一點點能為他帶來支持及鼓勵，而我們也該為著能與弟兄同行感到榮幸。上星期阿John借了一些書籍給我，剛剛看過一本關於探病的，也許可以在阿婷的基礎上加上多一點的補充：

1) 讓Edward多一點參與：探訪時適當的讓他參與，不一定只有單向性的關心，也可分享我們團契的需要 (短宣?)、邀請代禱記念等。

2) 深入的傾談：若合適，請與Edward深入的傾談。「合適」包括Edward的狀態、您自己的狀態。在此期間或許Edward會思想很多的事情，如之前提過他的心理狀態、他的願望、遺憾、憂慮等等，求天父讓我們成為他的出口。傾談，不一定要談，聆聽更重要。同時，需注意的是不要讓他太累，每15-20分鐘要讓他休息或下次再聊。

3) 站立的位置：幾個人探訪的時候，切勿分散於床的左右邊站立，這會令Edward很疲累於「左顧右盼」。如可以請盡量遷就Edward的視線與他溝通。

4) 熟讀資料：阿琛與Cyrus正為大家預備有關肺癌的資料，請大家稍後熟讀。了解病況、了解在治療時病人出現的反應，對Edward、對我們來說都是重要的預備。

Psalm 13

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:38:19 GMT

While the LORD has been good to me, my question is still there : Why am I so vulnerable to arrogance that brings me guilt but which the LORD hates? ....How long must I wrestle with my thoughts? Though I think David is lamenting on a much more serious personal problem, we have a same foundation:

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Psalm 12

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:27:58 GMT

Reminds me of those who think 吹水 can get you through life and a pretty good life too. And David describes it this way:

⁸ The wicked freely strut about
when what is vile is honored among men.

Psalm 11

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:24:41 GMT

I had fun these 2-3 days, though busy and exhausted at the same time. I packed up for seat moving on Friday, performed at my company's annual dinner on Saturday, went on worship team and played squash on Sunday. So, now I gotta back-blog again.

Sunday worship was an awesome experience because I felt close to God. It was one thing that Freddie on piano, Kwong Wing on guitar and me on drums made a really good team of music and we felt like "mood makers". And it was another thing that God painted a vivid picture of what Psalm 5:8 meant from my personal experience right there and then. This is what went through my head:

"The arrogance cannot stand in your presence (v.5).... But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house (v.7)...Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make straight your way before me.(v.8).

Back to Psalm 11, I find interesting that "the LORD examines the righteous" is contrasted to "the wicked... his soul hates" (v.5). My impression of being examined is not a good feeling. Who wants someone looking at what you're doing all the time and even what you're thinking! Examine also implies some judgement would be made. Verse 4 says, "The LORD is in his holy temple; the LORD is on his heavenly throne. He observes the sons of men; his eyes examine them." It recalls memories of people who feel that God is an impersonal God who just looks down on high in mockery of human suffering.

Yet, David is obviously enjoying the presence of the LORD - "In the LORD I take refuge". As one who has accepted Jesus into my life, I, and other believers, through the Holy Spirit which God has given us, have become holy temples of God where the LORD lives. "I, by your great mercy, can come into your house." (Psa 5:7)! While the LORD does examine me, he does it as one on my side, and he does it so to "make straight his way before me"..."because of my enemies." For all who take refuge and call on His name, the LORD's "favor surrounds them as with a shield". The awesome experience I had on Sunday was God's words coming true in my life because He is there to "examine" me and make me glad as I felt his favor surrounding me.

Psalm 10

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:13:42 GMT

Why do I seek satisfaction from achievement and success but am so vulnerable to prideful and arrogant thoughts that seems to be the by-product of it?....my last thoughts from Psalm 9.

I find David's description of the arrogant very real. Particularly right in the second verse, "In his arrogance, the wicked man hunts down the weak." The words used are strong but that is what I find - in times of my pride and arrogance, I think of those who are less than me thus I lift myself up and feel good. Yet... the Psalm goes on to say "He boasts of the cravings of his heart". My Lord has certain make straight his way before me because of my enemies (Psalm 5:8)... when there's pride in my heart (my enemy), I immediately feel a sense of guilt and feel ashamed of myself of thinking that. I would only confess it to God and my confidant. Is it even possible to not have these thoughts? Why do I seek satisfaction from achievement and success but am so vulnerable to prideful and arrogant thoughts that seems to be the by-product of it?

Psalm 9

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:02:42 GMT

Back-blogging yesterday.

Psalm 9 and 8 feels quite lifting as David has been in agony and suffering in the last seven psalms.

The Lord has victory and has given justice to what David has been praying for. Time must have lapsed as "even the memory of [the enemy] has perished"(v.6). This phrase strike me with fear of what God could really do. I always think that if life ended just like that with nothing after it, life would be meaningless. Talking to a friend on this, my friend thought that the memory of her will still live on. Well...

The "Lord, has never forsaken those you seek you". (v.10) God constantly gives assurance. Am I content with death with only God remembering you but others will not? ... Just a thought...

"Let the nations know that they are but men". (v.20) Why do I seek satisfaction from achievement and success but am so vulnerable to prideful and arrogant thoughts that seems to be the by-product of it?

Psalm 8

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:39:36 GMT

I'm backblogging a bit on Psalm 8 which I read on Sunday.

I clearly remember staring up the Canadian sky where I first made a sigh of awe to a majestic God. It was the same as David, when he considered..."the work of [God's] fingers, the moon and the stars [He] has set in place". (v.3) The immediate after feeling is that I notice that I'm so little compared to the beauty of the Universe and that there must be a creator. As the Psalm sings, "what is man that you are mindful of him"?!

I have yet to fully understand David's or God's view of "enemies". Here, David writes that "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." (v.2), which makes me recall Psalm 5:8, "Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness, because of your enemies - make straight your way before me". In both cases, David sees that because of God's enemies, something God glorifying happens?

Psalm 7 - When God is silent.

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:27:35 GMT

I read the Psalm on Sunday but didn't have time to quiet down and really listen. Here's a few things I have learned from commentaries with this Psalm today.

David was expressing his thirst for God's justice in this Psalm. What happened is that Cush, someone under King Saul, told Saul falsely that David wanted to kill him. David must have felt greatly being misjudged. His reaction was to pray to God to do justice and proved him right. This Psalm is likely to have span a certain period of time because David had gone through a train of emotions within the Psalm. First, David calls for deliverance (v.1-2), then he expresses feelings for being misjudged knowing that he is right (v.3-5). Perhaps after awhile, when nothing seems to have happened, David feels that God seems to be asleep (v.6) and thirsts for His justice to rule over the peoples, and prove David right! (v.7-8) ps to thanks to God in the last line. When God is silent, David draws on his knowledge of God's character as righteous (v.11), who God is to him personally - a shield (v.9), and imagines God is preparing his judgement like sharpening His sword and readying the flaming arrows (v.12-13). Then something must have happened to Cush that Cush "falls into the pit he has made" (v.15), along with other descriptions of Cush's consequences. And David praises the Lord Most High and give thanks for the Lord's righteousness (v.17).

I rarely feel or come upon the circumstance that I'm misjudged. Even if it happens, it is with my family and I would only feel angry but never to the point that I want something bad to happen to them. Though I wish they would look at their own selves and start seeing that we are really all just from the same family. However, this Psalm reminds me to wait in expectation of what we ask of God. When God is silence, we can drawn upon our knowledge of His goodness and use our imagination.